Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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