You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Let's get the cat blown out
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
