I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
