My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Enjoy the penises
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
