Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize