mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
