Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
