Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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