so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
