Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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