I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize