Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize