Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
