I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Randomize
