The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
So gin and wine won't be happening again
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
