i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
