I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
