he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
