Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
