this beer tastes like vomit already
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
