whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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