i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
