why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
