What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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