It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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