Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
