your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
