there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
