hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
