I smell stomach acid.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
