I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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