I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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