i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
