Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
