I accidentally had phone sex last night
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize