im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
