woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
