THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
