And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
