did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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