A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
