Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Randomize
