just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
