no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
