She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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