You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize