We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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