God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
