Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
