just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
