Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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