george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
