So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Randomize
