The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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