You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
