Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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