I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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