We're like a lot better than the average bears
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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