tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize