I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Randomize
