Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
