I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
