Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
