rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
