i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
