Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
