I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
