i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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