just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
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