If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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