That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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