READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
