Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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