I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Are we still banned from the library?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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