i think my tv is drunk
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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