Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize