I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize