even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
