I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
i've created a new STD.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
