The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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